Trusting God can be hard. It seems like it should be easy; I mean, really, if I’m going to trust anyone, God seems like a logical #1 choice.
And yet, in so many circumstances I find it difficult, if not impossible, to simply rest, be at peace, and trust. “God, don’t You know my plans? Can’t You see I’m supposed to...?”
A few months ago, after helping lead a youth group worship service in Northfield, I felt very discouraged. Musically it had been the best service we’d done all year, spiritually it felt like the kids just didn’t get into it at all, and essentially I felt like I’d failed. On my drive home, God challenged me, not with audible, booming thunder or anything, but it was definitely Him speaking: “Can you trust that I was at work, even though you didn’t see how?”
I didn’t have a good answer. Of course I had to assent, and not out of obligation or a feeling of “I’m-too-puny”, but because I knew He was right. I needed to trust God, not my own instincts and feelings. And I needed to believe that God is bigger than that singular event, that even if most of the kids didn’t take much away, maybe just one or two of them were touched, moved in a way more powerful than I can imagine. Maybe I just needed to trust that God can use even our selfish moments for His good, and make the best out of our messes.
It’s a struggle I still face today, but I’m learning to live at peace, and with trust.