Books I read in 2016

In 2016, I read eight old-fashioned paperbacks, and listened to 77 audiobooks, beating my personal record from last year's reading accomplishments. I also achieved my goal of reading at least 5 classics this year (by my definition of "classic," which includes classic sci-fi as well as more traditional literature, I read ten; I've marked these with asterisks in my list below).

The average length of these audiobooks was 8 hours on the dot. My average amount of listening per day was 1 hour and 42 minutes.

My "most influential book" awards go to The Blue Zones, the second half of 7 Habits, and a re-reading of Boundaries.

Walden wins my award for most rambling and least able to retain my attention (though Emma, The World Set Free, and the first half of 7 Habits also get honorable mentions in this category; Invisible Man would have taken the award, but I abandoned listening because after a few hours I couldn't stand the narration any longer).

Only counting non-Star Wars books, The Rosie Project was my favorite listen from this year. It was my wife Alissa's recommendation, being one of the only novelized romance stories she can stand, and I loved it. A close second was My Sister's Keeper, coincidentally (truly) also Alissa's recommendation.

This year also included 26 Star Wars audiobooks (of course it did; this is up from last year's 22). Of these, my favorite was Lost Stars, which tells the human-level stories of Imperial cadets as they grow up and serve in the Empire during the timeframe of movies 4-6, raising absolutely fascinating moral/ethical questions about loyalty to a cause vs loyalty to its leader vs loyalty to friends and family. I loved the book primarily though because it puts a face on "the other side." For instance: the main characters both had a best friend who perished on the Death Star during the Rebel's "terrorist" attack. We as a society struggle to understand the "other" - there is so much fear and mistrust created by our political parties both nationally and internationally. I think this is a great book which helps encourage the reader to consider the "other's" viewpoint, and does so in an accessible approach whether you're a Star Wars fan or not.

And of course, I also loved reading the Star Wars paperback novel Ahsoka, because she (along with Jaina Solo and Mara Jade) is one of my Star Wars universe crushes :)

And here are the lists of books:

Title	Author	Audiobook length
Star Wars: Bloodline	Claudia Gray	12:14:47
Star Wars: Dark Forces Collectors Trilogy Soldier for the Empire, Rebel Agent, Jedi Knight	William Dietz	5:28:59
My Sister's Keeper	Jodi Picoult	13:41:15
The Dark Worlds of H.P. Lovecraft, Volume One	H. P. Lovecraft	3:30:15
The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood	Howard Pyle	10:36:35
The Rosie Project	Graeme C. Simsion	7:32:00
The Zimzum of Love	Rob and Kristen Bell	2:12:18
Total Recall	Philip K. Dick	1:00:00
Full Heart Living	Tom Glaser	5:40:00
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban	J.K. Rowling	11:48:08
A Brief History Of Time	Stephen Hawking	5:47:20
I Am Number Four: The Lost Files: Zero Hour	Pittacus Lore	7:47:27
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone	J.K. Rowling	8:17:00
The World Without Us	Alan Weisman	12:04:32
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People	Stephen Covey	14:03:00
Of Thee I Sing	Barack Obama	00:16:15
Star Wars: Dark Empire II	Tom Veitch	1:54:19
Star Wars: Dark Empire	Tom Veitch	2:37:21
Frankenstein*	Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley	8:42:00
Radio Free Albemuth	Philip K. Dick	7:45:02
Kisses from Katie	Katie Davis	8:52:57
The Scarlet Letter*	Nathaniel Hawthorne	9:28:00
Beyond Lies the Wub	Philip K. Dick	00:21:04
The Island of Dr. Moreau*	H. G. Wells	4:07:32
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets	J.K. Rowling	9:24:16
Star Wars: Aftermath: Life Debt	Chuck Wendig	15:32:00
Watership Down	Richard Adams	15:53:32
Emma*	Jane Austen	15:18:00
The World Set Free	H. G. Wells	6:38:00
The Minority Report and Other Stories	Philip K. Dick	5:33:25
An Invisible Thread	Laura Schroff	7:02:44
The Blue Zones	Dan Buettner	7:39:17
A Journey to the Center of the Earth*	Jules Verne	9:17:23
King Lear (BBC Radio Shakespeare)	William Shakespeare	2:37:52
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde*	Robert Louis Stevenson	3:06:46
As You Like It (BBC radio collection)	William Shakespeare	1:59:45
Night	Elie Wiesel	3:38:42
Star Wars: Crimson Empire	Mike Richardson and Randy Stradley	1:32:45
I am Malala	Malala Yousafzai	9:55:03
Star Wars: Tales of the Jedi: Dark Lord of the Sith (Full cast audio drama)	Tom Veitch	2:18:00
Star Wars: Tales of the Jedi (Full cast audio drama)	Tom Veitch	2:42:00
America's Original Sin: Racism, White Privilege, and the bridge to a new America	Jim Wallis	10:09:58
Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl*	Anne Frank	9:55:21
Hamlet: a fully dramatized audio production from the Folger Theatre	William Shakespeare	3:32:49
A Voice in the Wind (Unabridged)	Francine Rivers	21:26:43
Fire Touched (Mercy Thompson book 9)	Patricia Briggs	10:07:00
Boundaries	Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend	11:00:03
Star Wars: Outbound Flight	Timothy Zahn	6:18:00
Star Wars: The Force Awakens	Alan Dean Foster	10:05:57
The Great Gatsby*	F. Scott Fitzgerald	4:53:29
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi Radio Drama, as heard on NPR	National Public Radio	3:12:15
Star Wars: Battlefront: Twilight Company	Alexander Freed	13:40:57
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back Radio Drama, as heard on NPR	National Public Radio	4:22:08
Star Wars: The Original Radio Drama, as heard on NPR	National Public Radio	5:55:36
The Collected Stories of Winnie-the-Pooh	A. A. Milne	4:27:00
Star Wars: Journey to Star Wars The Force Awakens: Lost Stars	Claudia Gray	11:26:01
Dragon Blood (Hurog duology book 2)	Patricia Briggs	9:34:24
Dragon Bones (Hurog duology book 1)	Patricia Briggs	8:56:56
Star Wars: Journey to Star Wars The Force Awakens: Smuggler's Run	Greg Rucka	3:22:07
All's Well That Ends Well (BBC radio collection)	William Shakespeare	2:14:47
The Great Divorce	C.S. Lewis	3:22:50
Star Wars: Heir to the Jedi	Kevin Hearne	9:02:20
The Invisible Man*	H. G. Wells	6:13:47
Star Wars: Millennium Falcon	James Luceno	10:06:04
Who Is This Man? The Unpredictable Impact of the Inescapable Jesus	John Ortberg	7:40:50
Star Wars: Apocalypse (Fate of the Jedi book 9)	Troy Denning	16:30:00
Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions (Unabridged)	Dan Ariely	7:22:57
A Grief Observed	C.S. Lewis	1:50:52
Star Wars: Empire and Rebellion: Honor Among Thieves	James S. A. Corey	9:52:49
Walden, and, On the Duty of Civil Disobedience*	Henry David Thoreau	13:50:56
Star Wars: Empire and Rebellion: Razor's edge	Martha Wells	9:57:19
Star Wars: Ascension (Fate of the Jedi book 8)	Christie Golden	14:44:14
Scary Close	Donald Miller	4:07:38
Star Wars: Dynasty of Evil (Darth Bane book 3)	Drew Karpyshyn	9:22:33
Star Wars: Conviction (Fate of the Jedi book 7)	Aaron Allston	12:57:30
Star Wars: Vortex (Fate of the Jedi book 6)	Troy Denning	14:29:25
Star Wars: Allies (Fate of the Jedi book 5)	Christie Golden	13:23:57

And the paperbacks:

• Star Wars: Ahsoka, by E. K. Johnston
• Star Wars: The Last Jedi, by Michael Reave and Maya Kaathryn Bohnhoff
• Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, by J.K. Rowling
• A Practical Wedding, by Meg Keene
• The Secret of Dreadwillow Carse, by Brian Farrey
• Star Wars: Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina, edited by Kevin J. Anderson
• A Practical Wedding Planner, by Meg Keene
• XKCD: What If?, by Randall Munroe

Audiobook reflection: The Complete Stories of Sherlock Holmes

I'm pretty sure my introduction to Sherlock Holmes came from television - either episodes of Wishbone (one of the only dogs I've ever loved), or Star Trek: The Next Generation (in which Data develops a fascination with the detective). In more recent years, I've greatly loved BBC's new Sherlock series as well. But apart from these on-screen adaptations, I had never actually experienced any of Sir Arthur's original works until a little over a year ago, when I finished reading (technically: "listening to the audiobook of") The Complete Stories of Sherlock Holmes, a 70+ hour audiobook containing all 56 short stories and 4 novels in the canon. Whereas most of my audiobooks are around 10 hours long and easily listened to in under a week, Sherlock was an investment of 50 days. Fortunately, the narrator accompanying me in this journey was one I'd consider "good" in my book (pardon the pun :) for the fact that he used different voices for each character, so I could always know who was speaking. My only quibble is that he could have spoken marginally faster, and shaved a few hours off the grand total. Also there were a few awkwardly long pauses, and the random watch beeping in the background, though given the sheer mass of material those are forgivable.

One of my favorite aspects of reading "older" literatures is the vernacular. Like Nicolas Cage's character nostalgically says in National Treasure, "People don't talk that way anymore." In Sherlock, some such words that stood out to me (often due to their over-use) were:

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But pronounced the British way: "ad-*ver*-tis-ment" (and with a short "i").

Agony column

Apparently in old-timey newspapers, there was a column for missing persons and items. Based on its frequent usage to ensnare Sherlock's suspects, I'm given to believe every person in all of Britain must have read their newspapers front-to-back back in those days.

Bad business

Unfortunate circumstances.

Burgled

Exactly what it sounds like. I just love this word.

Ejaculated

Interjected or interrupted. Watson was always doing this.

Engaged

Involved in an activity.

Knock you up

Come knocking on your door.

Singular

Unique, standing out (although for as often as the word was used, it became quite unsingularly commonplace).

Tut tut

Tsk tsk, you're better than that.

Being so bold as to imagine myself in the shoes of dear Watson for a moment, I could easily picture him writing the following sentences in one of his Sherlockian journals: I engaged myself to reading the morning's agony column, whereupon I discovered a quite singular advertisement. "Holmes!" I ejaculated. "You must see this! Someone has burgled–" "Tut, tut," he interrupted. "It's bad business to be knocking a body up at this hour."

And on the subject of language: a frequent frustration of mine (and I imagine Holmes's as well) was how many of his clients dilly dallied around their point, giving all manner of unnecessary introductory remarks. As a made-up example: "Mr. Holmes, this is a most singular tale, you will no doubt agree with me once you have heard all the details which I'm about to reveal to you. Surely you have never heard a case quite like mine before in all your adventures, for let me tell you it is quite remarkable..." and they'd just go on and on and on!

Some reflections upon the character of Sherlock himself: he rarely asked his clients for money (with a few rare exceptions of the super-wealthy). And he rarely took praise or credit - he frequently reassured the police inspectors they need not share credit or mention him at all in their reports. He was sharp, or rather, blunt? And arrogant (as you'll read in a number of quotes below). Yet he had a human side - there were those singular cases in which his conscience actually led him to let the murderer go. I lack the specific quote, but in its essence he conveyed "I understand why you did what you did, and I'm not going to turn you over to the police, I'm just going to tell them the case is resolved." One example is in The Adventure of the Devil's Foot, and it's a fascinating moral question: was Dr. Sterndale really "guilty," or could his crime instead be called "justice," avenging another murder of someone he loved? I liked that Sherlock occasionally showed this human side instead of being 100% of the time cold and calculating. The intentionality of working separately from the police force allowed him this leeway.

For a one-and-a-half month investment of my audiobook listening time, I'd say Sherlock was worth it. Though the whole collection won't be on my re-listen list in the near future, mayhaps when a new season of the BBC series approaches I will find myself inclined to listen to a few specific short stories again.

---

My favorite quotes

"You see," he explained, "I consider that a man's brain, originally, is like a little empty attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool takes in all the lumber of every sort that he comes across, so that the knowledge, which might be useful to him, gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with a lot of other things, so that he has a difficulty in laying his hands upon it. Now, the skillful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his brain attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing his work, but of these, he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and can distend to any extent. Depend upon it. There comes a time when, for every addition of knowledge, you forget something that you knew before. It is of the highest importance therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out the useful ones."
"But the solar system!" I protested.
"What the use duece is it to me?" he interrupted impatiently.
- Sherlock and Watson

"May I ask whether you have any professional inquiry on foot at present?"
"None. Hence the cocaine. I cannot live without brainwork. What else is there to live for?"
- Watson and Sherlock

"I never make exceptions. An exception disproves the rule." - Sherlock

"The main thing with people of that sort," said Holmes, as we sat in the sheets of the wary, "is never to let them think that their information can be of the slightest importance to you. If you do, they will instantly shut up like an oyster. If you listen to them under protest, as it were, you are very likely to get what you want." - Sherlock

"He remarks that, while the individual man is an insoluble puzzle, in the aggregate, he becomes a mathematical certainty. You can, for example, never foretell what any one man will do. But you can say with precision what an average number will be up to. Individuals vary, but percentages remain constant. So says the statistician." - Sherlock

"It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories instead of theories to suit facts." - Sherlock

I trust that I am not more dense than my neighbors, but I was always impressed with a sense of my own stupidity in my dealings with Sherlock Holmes. Here I had heard what he had heard, I had seen what he had seen, and yet from his words it was evident that he saw clearly not only what had happened, but what was about to happen, while to me the whole business was still confused and grotesque. - Watson

(Sherlock just deduced something about the killer)
"It is wonderful!" I exclaimed.
"It is obvious."
- Watson and Sherlock

"What do you intend to do?"
"In view of your health, nothing. You are yourself aware that you will soon have to answer for your deed at a higher court than the Assizes. I will keep your confession, and if McCarthy is condemned I shall be forced to use it. If not, it shall never be seen by mortal eye; and your secret, whether you be alive or dead, shall be safe with us."
"Farewell, then," said the old man solemnly. "Your own deathbeds, when they come, will be the easier for the thought of the peace which you have given to mine."
- John Turner and Sherlock

"I suppose that I am committing a felony, but it is just possible that I am saving a soul. This fellow will not go wrong again, he is too terribly frightened. Send him to jail now and you make him a jailbird for life. Besides, it is the season of forgiveness. Chance has put in our way a most singular and whimsical problem, and it's solution is it's own reward." - Sherlock

The Adventure of the Speckled Band
On glancing over my notes of the seventy odd cases in which I have during the last eight years studied the methods of my friend Sherlock Holmes, I find many tragic, some comic, a large number merely strange, but none commonplace; for, working as he did rather for the love of his art than for the acquirement of wealth, he refused to associate himself with any investigation which did not tend towards the unusual, and even the fantastic. - Watson

"We can't command our love but we can our actions." - The Runaway Wife

"Crime is common, logic is rare. Therefore it is upon the logic, rather than upon the crime, that you should dwell." - Sherlock

"And above all, do not fret until you know that you really have a cause for it." - Sherlock

Like all Holme's reasoning, the thing seemed simplicity itself when it was once explained. - Watson

"He's been behaving very queerly, and he's very much excited."
"I don't think you need alarm yourself," said I. "I have usually found that there was method in his madness."
"Some folk might say there was madness in his method!" muttered the Inspector.
- The Inspector and Watson

"What business is it of yours, then?"
"It's every man's business to see justice done."
- Henry Wood and Sherlock

"I've heard of your methods before now, Mr. Holmes," said he, tartly. "You are ready enough to use all the information that the police can lay at your disposal, and then you try to finish the case yourself and bring discredit on them."
"On the contrary," said Holmes. "Out of my last 53 cases, my name has only appeared in 4, and the police have had all the credit in 49. I don't blame you for not knowing this for you are young and inexperienced, but if you wish to get on in your new duties, you will work with me and not against me."
- A detective, and Sherlock

"I have noticed that when he is off the trail he generally says so; it is when he is on a scent and is not quite absolutely sure yet that it is the right one that he is most taciturn." - Watson

"By George!" cried the inspector. "However did you see that?"
"Because I looked for it."
An Inspector and Sherlock

"Lie number 1!" said the old man. "I never saw either of them until two months ago and I have never been in Africa in my life. So you can put that in your pipe and smoke it, mister busy-body Holmes." - Mr. Woodley

"Good Lord, Mr. Holmes, where have you lived?"
Holmes laughed at the young giant's naive astonishment.
"You live in a different world to me, Mr. Overton. A sweeter and healthier one. My ramifications stretch out into many sections of society, but never, I am happy to say, into amateur sport."
- Mr. Overton and Sherlock

"It is a capital mistake to theorize in advance of the facts." - Sherlock

"The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes." - Sherlock

"This chance of the picture has supplied us with one of our most obvious missing links. We have him, Watson, we have him! And I dare swear that before tomorrow night he will be fluttering in our net as helpless as one of his own butterflies. A pin, a cork, and a card, and we add him to the Baker Street collection."
He burst into one of his rare fits of laughter, as he turned away from the picture. I have not heard him laugh often, and it has always boded ill to somebody.
- Sherlock and Watson

"I have no more notion than you how long it is to last," Holmes answered with some asperity. "If criminals would always schedule their movements like railway trains it would certainly be more convenient for all of us." - Sherlock

"I was helping Uncle Sam to make dollars. Maybe mine were not as good gold as his but they looked as well and were cheaper to make." - John McMurdo

"I should prefer that you do not mention my name at all in connection with the case as I choose to be only associated with those crimes which present some difficulty in their solution." - Sherlock

"It is art for art's sake, Watson. I suppose when you doctored you found yourself studying cases without thought of a fee?"
"For my education, Holmes."
"Education never ends, Watson. It is a series of lessons with the greatest for the last."
- Sherlock and Watson

"But your appearance Holmes. Your ghastly face."
"Three days of absolute fast does not improve one's beauty, Watson."
- Watson and Sherlock

"Besides, on general principles it is best that I should not leave the country. Scotland Yard feels lonely without me, and it causes an unhealthy excitement among the criminal classes." - Sherlock

"And a singularly consistent investigation you have made, my dear Watson," said he. "I cannot at the moment recall any possible blunder which you have omitted. The total effect of your proceeding has been to give the alarm everywhere, and yet to discover nothing."
"Perhaps you would have done no better," I answered, bitterly.
"There is no perhaps about it. I *have* done better."
- Sherlock and Watson

"How do you know that?"
"I followed you."
"I saw no one."
"That is what you may expect to see when I follow you."
- Dr. Leon Sterndale and Sherlock

He stared at the writing with a face from which every expression save amazement had vanished. - Watson

"This agency stands flatfooted upon the ground, and there it must remain. The world is big enough for us, no ghosts need apply." - Sherlock

"Touch him where you would, he was false." - Sherlock

Mr. Nathan Garrideb proved to be a very tall, loose-jointed, round-backed person, gaunt and bald, some 60 odd years of age. He had a cadaverous face, with the dull, dead skin of a man to whom exercise was unknown. - Watson

"But how did you know, Mr. Holmes?"
"I am an omnivorous reader with a strangely retentive mind for trifles."
- Mr. Murdock and Sherlock

"There being no fear of interruption, I proceeded to burgle the house. Burglary has always been an alternative profession had I cared to adopt it, and I have little doubt that I should have come to the front." - Sherlock

Books I read in 2015

Throughout high school, college, and early adulthood, I struggled and failed to fully board the "reading books" bandwagon. This is partially because I'm a slow reader (who would have thought?) but mostly because sitting in one place to read a paper book, without being able to multitask because "reading" requires my eyes stay focused on the page - ain't nobody got time for that. Then in late 2011 I discovered audiobooks, and my world changed.

In 2015, I read 4 old-fashioned paperbacks, and listened to 60 audiobooks, a new personal record. Some were phenomenally amazing (Blue Like Jazz, Ready Player One, William Shakespeare's Star Wars); some were phenomenally boring (Howards End, Monte Christo); a few were just plain "bad" (*my opinion; I'm looking at you, Maze Runner trilogy; and also that Joyce Meyer book, and also Chuck Wendig's Aftermath); some were classics (Jane Eyre, Sherlock Holmes, Dune, Monte Cristo, To Kill a Mockingbird, Dracula, Animal Farm, et al); and 22 were Star Wars books :) Beggars In Spain was a re-listen because it was life-changing for me the first time; and William Shakespeare's Star Wars I listened to twice in a row, because it was just that good.

The average length of these audiobooks was 11 hours and 9 minutes (thrown off slightly by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's 70+ hour complete collection of Sherlock Holmes stories; without Holmes, the average length of my 2015 books drops to 10 hours and 8 minutes). My average amount of listening per day was 2 hours and 4 minutes.

Title	Author	Audiobook length
Star Wars: William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back	Ian Doescher	3:25:25
Star Wars: Aftermath	Chuck Wendig	12:16:00
Star Wars: Backlash (Fate of the Jedi book 4)	Aaron Allston	11:10:20
Star Wars: Abyss (Fate of the Jedi book 3)	Troy Denning	11:19:03
Star Wars: Omen (Fate of the Jedi book 2)	Christie Golden	8:25:51
Star Wars: Rule of Two (Darth Bane book 2)	Drew Karpyshyn	10:12:00
Ready Player One	Ernest Cline	15:40:00
Star Wars: Dark Disciple	Christie Golden	11:12:00
Brave New World	Aldous Huxley	8:00:02
Animal Farm	George Orwell	3:11:46
Star Wars: Outcast (Fate of the Jedi book 1)	Aaron Allston	10:12:11
Star Wars: Path of Destruction (Darth Bane book 1)	Drew Karpyshyn	12:16:00
Star Wars: The Old Republic: Annihilation	Drew Karpyshyn	9:39:27
Star Wars: The Old Republic: Revan	Drew Karpyshyn	10:52:23
The Fate of Ten	Pittacus Lore	10:41:25
Dracula	Bram Stoker	14:32:38
Star Wars: William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return	Ian Doescher	3:35:00
Star Wars: The Old Republic: Deceived	Paul S. Kemp	9:25:59
The Screwtape Letters	C. S. Lewis	3:36:38
Star Wars: The Clone Wars	Karen Traviss	7:47:14
Star Wars: Red Harvest	Joe Schreiber	7:56:10
Star Wars: The Old Republic: Fatal Alliance	Sean Williams	13:47:44
William Shakespeare's Star Wars: Verily, A New Hope (listened again, because it was that good)	Ian Doescher	3:29:15
Peter Pan	J. M. Barrie	5:39:49
William Shakespeare's Star Wars: Verily, A New Hope	Ian Doescher	3:29:15
Go Set a Watchman	Harper Lee	6:57:00
My Ántonia	Willa Cather	7:19:57
Star Wars: Crucible	Troy Denning	12:08:00
The Death Cure (Book 3 in the Maze Runner series)	James Dashner	8:55:19
Star Wars: Scoundrels	Timothy Zahn	13:57:27
The Kill Order (prequel to Maze Runner trilogy)	James Dashner	10:02:00
I Am Number Four: The Lost Files: Rebel Allies	Pittacus Lore	8:04:13
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn	Mark Twain	9:24:00
Howards End	E. M. Forster	11:04:14
To Kill A Mockingbird	Harper Lee	12:17:00
The Scorch Trials (Book 2 in the Maze Runner series)	James Dashner	10:23:03
The Battlefield of the Mind	Joyce Meyer	6:27:08
Mere Christianity	C.S. Lewis	5:52:41
What We Talk About When We Talk About God	Rob Bell	4:25:20
Star Wars: Tarkin	James Luceno	9:27:13
Maze Runner	James Dashner	10:50:27
Star Wars: Lords of the Sith	Paul S. Kemp	10:56:53
Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived	Rob Bell	3:39:27
Children of Dune	Frank Herbert	16:51:10
The Count of Monte Cristo	Alexandre Dumas	46:56:39
What on Earth Have I Done?: Stories, Observations, and Affirmations	Robert Fulghum	6:15:39
Dune Messiah	Frank Herbert	8:57:00
Dune	Frank Herbert	21:02:12
Life Together	Dietrich Bonhoeffer	3:37:54
Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile	Rob Bell, Don Golden	3:25:10
Shifting Shadows: Stories from the World of Mercy Thompson	Patricia Briggs	14:53:09
The Normal Christian Life	Watchman Nee	7:42:56
Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void	Mary Roach	10:27:52
Dead Heat: Alpha and Omega, Book 4	Patricia Briggs	11:25:48
Star Wars: The Clone Wars: No Prisoners	Karen Traviss	7:10:39
Jane Eyre	Charlotte Brontë	21:47:32
Blue Like Jazz: Non-Religious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality	Donald Miller	7:00:57
Beggars in Spain	Nancy Kress	16:10:52
Brentwood's Ward	Michelle Griep	10:24:19
The Complete Stories of Sherlock Holmes	Arthur Conan Doyle	70:48:20

And the paperbacks:

• Shadows of the Empire, by Steve Perry
• The Grimjinx Rebellion, by Brian Farrey
• The Shadowhand Covenant, by Brian Farrey
• The Vengekeep Prophecies, by Brian Farrey

Audiobook reflection: Looking for Alaska

At the end of November I finished another John Green novel called Looking for Alaska (John Green also being the author of The Fault In Our Stars [which I read in 2014 but didn't blog about] and co-author of Will Grayson, Will Grayson, which I read not long ago). The story follows teenager Miles (nicknamed "Pudge," because he's actually very skinny) during his junior year at a boarding school away from home. He befriends prank-loving fellow students Chip ("The Colonel") and Alaska, and they have many adventures... I make it sound like an after-school special, but it's not, I just can't say much more than that without giving away half the story.

This author has an hilarious and often hyperbolic writing style that frequently cracked me up, even though I was listening by myself. For example, this quote:

He told me this while ripping through his duffle bag, throwing clothes into drawers with reckless abandon. Chip did not believe in having a sock drawer or a t-shirt drawer; he believed that all drawers were created equal, and filled each with whatever fit.

When I heard that, I thought to myself, "this reminds me a lot of how the author in Will Grayson, Will Grayon described his characters." Then I remembered, oh, right, same author! Not that I'm the pickiest critic ever, but seeing as this is book #3 of his that I've read in 6 months, I think that says something.

Much of the book's conversations and inner-voice monologues revolve around these two central quotes: Simón Bolívar, "How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?" and François Rabelais, "I go to seek a Great Perhaps." In a rather flippant way, I think those quotes aptly express the human experience: how do I deal with life, what is my Calling, what is my potential, where does it all lead?

While L4A can be vulgar, I agree with the author's comments that I found quoted on the Wikipedia article:

"Some people say, 'You wrote a dirty, dirty book.' But there are very old-fashioned values and even a lot of religion in it.... There are some adults who think that the only kind of ethics that matter are sexual ethics. So they miss everything else that is going on in the book."

The characters behave realistically, and more importantly, the story addresses some heavy hitting issues, like (spoiler alert) death. The book is divided roughly in half, with each chapter heading reading either, for example, "51 days before," or, "3 days after," with the central unifying event between those two halves being the death of one of the main characters' friends. Journeying with them on their paths toward healing is a powerful experience as a reader. I think this quote in particular captures something of what it's like to lose someone you care about:

I have lost something important, and I cannot find it and I need it. It is fear like if someone lost his glasses, and went to the glasses store, and they told him that the world had run out of glasses, and he would just have to do without.

What I really like, though, is that the author doesn't rush the characters through mourning. They get half the book to work through their five grief stages. I don't think enough stories give that necessary space.

On a last, happier note: I loved the religion teacher, Dr Hyde, who garnered a number of my favorite quotes (below). Also the narrator's choice of old-man voice for Dr Hyde was quite amusing, really helped sell his "get off my lawn" attitude.

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My favorite quotes

"So this guy... François Rabelais. He was this poet, and his last words were, 'I go to seek a Great Perhaps'" That's why I'm going. So I don't have to wait until I die to start seeking a Great Perhaps." - 5:05

He told me this while ripping through his duffle bag, throwing clothes into drawers with reckless abandon. Chip did not believe in having a sock drawer or a t-shirt drawer; he believed that all drawers were created equal, and filled each with whatever fit. - 17:08

Her library filled her bookshelves, and then overflowed into waist-high stacks of books everywhere, piled haphazardly against the walls. If just one of them moved, I thought, the domino effect could engulf the three of us in an asphyxiating mass of literature. - 23:36

"Have you really read all those books in your room?"
She laughed.
"Oh, God no. I've maybe read a third of 'em. But, I'm going to read them all. I call it my life's library. Every summer since I was little, I've gone to garage sales and bought all the books that looked interesting, so I always have something to read. But there's so much to do! Cigarettes to smoke, sex to have, swings to swing on. I'll have more time for reading when I'm old and boring."
She told me that I reminded her of the Colonel when he came to Culver Creek. They were freshmen together, she said, both scholarship kids with, as she put it, "a shared interest in booze and mischief."
The phrase "booze and mischief" left me worrying I'd stumbled into what my mother referred to as "the wrong crowd." But, for the wrong crowd, they both seemed awfully smart. - 33:03

You can say a lot of bad things about Alabama, but you can't say that Alabamans as a people are unduly afraid of deep-friers. In that first week at the Creek, the cafeteria served fried chicken, chicken-fried steak, and fried okra, which marked my first foray into the delicacy that is the fried vegetable. I half expected them to fry the iceberg lettuce. But nothing matched the Buffrito.... A deep-fried bean burrito, the Buffrito proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that frying always improves a food. - 37:55

"My name... is Dr Hyde. I have a first name, of course, so far as you are concerned it is 'Doctor.'" - Dr Hyde, 57:55

"...you may be smart, but I've been smart longer." - Dr Hyde, 59:03

This teacher rocked. I hated discussion classes. I hated talking and I hated listening to everyone else stumble on their words and try to phrase things in the vaguest possible way so they wouldn't sound dumb. And I hated how it was all just a game of trying to figure out what the teacher wanted to hear and then saying it. I'm in class, so teach me! And teach me he did. In those 50 minutes, the old man made me take religion seriously. I'd never been religious, but he told us that religion is important whether or not we believed in one, in the same way that historical events are important whether or not you personally lived through them. - 1:00:14

I learned that "myth" doesn't mean a lie. It means a traditional story that tells you something about people and their worldview, and what they hold sacred. - 1:01:41

"Jesus, I'm not gonna be one of those people who sits around talking about what they're gonna do. I'm just gonna do it! Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia.... You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it'll be, and imagining that future keeps you going but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present." - Alaska, 1:42:25

[Alaska] said that it was sexist to leave the cooking to the women, but better to have good sexist food than crappy boy-prepared food. - 2:54:58

People, I thought, wanted security. They couldn't bear the idea of death being a big black nothing, couldn't bear the thought of their loved ones not existing, and couldn't even imagine themselves not existing. I finally decided that people believed in an afterlife because they couldn't bear not to. - 3:11:23

...he really didn't seem worth hating. Hating the cool kids takes an awful lot of energy, and I'd given up on it a long time ago. - 3:31:43

There comes a time when we realize that our parents cannot save themselves or save us. That everyone who wades through time eventually gets dragged out to sea by the undertow. That, in short, we are all going. So she became impulsive, scared by her inaction into perpetual action. - 3:50:40

I thought, that is the fear. I have lost something important, and I cannot find it and I need it. It is fear like if someone lost his glasses, and went to the glasses store, and they told him that the world had run out of glasses, and he would just have to do without. - 4:29:38

She had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes. And now she was gone, and with her, my faith in perhaps. - 5:25:02

You left me perhaps-less. - 5:25:31

"Karl Marx famously called religion 'the opiate of the masses.' Buddhism, particularly as it is popularly practiced, promises improvement through Karma. Islam and Christianity promise eternal paradise to the faithful, and that is a powerful opiate, certainly, the hope of a better life to come. But there's a Sufi story that challenges the notion that people believe only because they need an opiate. Rabi`a al `Adawiyya, a great woman saint of Sufiism, was seen running through the streets of her home town, Basra, carrying a torch in one hand, and a bucket of water in the other. When someone asked her what she was doing, she answered, 'I am going to take this bucket of water and pour it on the flames of hell. And then, I am going to use this torch to burn down the gates of paradise, so that people will not love God for want of heaven or fear of hell, but because He is God.'" - Dr Hyde, 5:27:48

The Buddha said that suffering was caused by desire, we learned, and that the cessation of desire meant the cessation of suffering. When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did. 6:11:21

We'd failed, maybe, but some mysteries aren't meant to be solved. - 6:41:46

"You need not specifically discuss the perspectives of different religions in your essay, so no research is necessary. Your knowledge, or lack thereof, has been established in the quizzes you've taken this semester. I am interested in how you are able to fit the incontestable fact of suffering into your understanding of the world, and how you hope to navigate through life in spite of it.

Next year, assuming my lungs hold out, we'll study Taoism, Hinduism, and Judaism together."

The old man coughed, and then started to laugh which caused him to cough again.

"Lord, maybe I won't last! But, about the three traditions we've studied this year, I'd like to say one thing: Islam, Christianity, and Buddhism each have founder figures, Mohammed, Jesus, and the Buddha respectively. And in thinking about these founder figures, I believe we must finally conclude that each brought a message of radical hope.

To seventh century Arabia, Mohammed brought the promise that anyone could find fulfillment and everlasting life through allegiance to the one true God. The Buddha held out hope that suffering could be transcended. Jesus brought the message that the last shall be first, that even the tax collectors and lepers, the outcasts, had cause for hope. And so that is the question I leave you with in this final: what is your cause for hope?" - Dr Hyde, 6:48:32

"After all this time, it still seems to me like 'straight and fast' is the only way out. But I choose the labyrinth. The labyrinth blows, but, I choose it." - The Colonel, 6:51:08

He was gone, and I did not have time to tell him what I had just now realized: that I forgave him, and that she forgave us. And that we had to forgive to survive in the labyrinth. There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day, things that did not go right, things that seemed okay at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can't know better, until knowing better is useless. - 6:54:46

Thomas Edison's last words were, "It's very beautiful over there." I don't know where "there" is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful. - 6:59:57

"I was born into Bolívar's labyrinth, and so I must believe in hope of Rabelais's Great Perhaps." - The Author, 7:03:03

Audiobook reflection: Predictably Irrational

Way back around Thanksgiving I finished reading (aka "listening to") Predictably Irrational, a book about "behavioral economics," or, "human judgement and decision-making," written by professor of psychology Dan Ariely. For a more complete description of his experiments and conclusions from the book, check out the Wikipedia article, or the book's website, http://danariely.com/tag/predictably-irrational.

Some points that jumped out at me:

• Pulling bandages off patients slowly causes less overall suffering [for the patient] than ripping them "quick like a band-aid." (the author himself was once burned head-to-toe, so has personal experience, in addition to his scientific research, to attest to this)
• The idea of a "hot state" vs a "cold state," with regards to anger, arousal, road rage, etc. (hint: always better to make decisions in a cold state, aka, not in-the-moment; this can be applied to interpersonal relationships as well as purchasing decisions)
• Perceiving ownership: once you perceive ownership of a thing, it becomes a real loss psychologically to lose it, even if you never actually owned it. For example: bidding in an auction, you start to think of the thing as yours, emotionally disposing you to fight for it when another bidder outbids you - even though you don't own the item yet, you perceive a "loss" of the item when you're outbid. Other examples included having a 30-day free trial, or a money-back-guarantee.
• Owners attribute higher value to an item than non-owners. For example, a house owner views his/her home with a higher value than a prospective buyer, partly because of their emotional investment. Same with a car. Dan proposed a goal challenging himself to approach everything as a non-owner. This is something I'll need to bear in mind next time I'm buying something expensive, or trying something out (such as right now, as I've engaged in a 30-day free trial of Amazon Prime).
• He oft used the word Orwellian, which is a phenomenal word and I must start using it more myself.
• Regarding prescriptions and over-the-counter medications, "...you get what you pay for. Price can change the experience." (meaning psychologically, not in actual quality of the medicine)
• They saw similar results in studies conducted with pain meds, drinking wine, and eating food - the presentation (such as using the right wine glass, or charging more for a brand-name medication) changes our perception of quality, even while in their double-blind taste tests of the same, participants reported no differences.

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My favorite quotes

Humans rarely choose things in absolute terms. We don't have an internal value meter that tells us how much things are worth. Rather, we focus on the relative advantage of one thing over another, and estimate value accordingly. For instance, we don't know how much a 6-cylinder car is worth, but we assume it's more expensive than the 4-cylinder model. - 22:27

Most people don't know what they want unless they see it in context. We don't know what kind of racing bike we want until we see a champ in the Tour de France ratcheting the gears on a particular model. We don't know what kind of speaker system we like until we hear a set of speakers that sounds better than the previous one. We don't even know what we want to do with our lives, until we find a relative or friend who is doing just what we think we should be doing. Everything is relative, and that's the point. Like an airplane pilot landing in the dark, we want runway lights on either side of us, guiding us to the place where we can touch down our wheels. In the case of The Economist, the decision between the Internet-only and print-only [subscription] options would take a bit of thinking. Thinking is difficult, and sometimes unpleasant, so The Economist's marketers offered us a no-brainer: relative to the print-only option, the print and Internet option looks clearly superior. The geniuses at The Economist aren't the only ones who understand the importance of relativity. Take Sam, the television salesman. He plays the same general type of trick on us when he decides which televisions to put together on display. A 36" Panasonic for $690, a 42" Toshiba for $850, a 50" Phillips for $1480. Which one would you choose? In this case, Sam knows that customers find it difficult to compute the value of different options. Who really knows if the Panasonic at $690 is a better deal than the Phillips at $1480? But Sam also knows that given three choices, most people will take the middle choice, as in landing your plane between the runway lights. So guess which television Sam prices as the middle option? That's right, the one he wants to sell. - 23:43

It has been shown repeatedly that the link between amount of salary and happiness is not as strong as one would expect it to be. In fact it is rather weak. Studies even find that countries with the happiest people are not among those with the highest personal income. Yet we keep pushing toward higher salary. Much of that can be blamed on sheer envy. As H. L. Mencken, the 20th century journalist, satirist, social critic, cynic, and free-thinker noted: "a man's satisfaction with his salary depends on" - are you ready for this - "whether he makes more than his wife's sister's husband." Why the wife's sister's husband? Because - and I have a feeling that Mencken's wife kept him fully informed of her sister's husband's salary - this is a comparison that is salient and readily available. Now that you know this fact, and assuming that you are not married, take this into account when you search for a soul-mate. Look for someone who's sibling is married to a productivity-challenged individual. - 46:37

...we can actively improve on our irrational behaviours. We can start by becoming aware of our vulnerabilities. Suppose you're planning to buy a cutting edge cell phone... or even a daily $4 cup of gourmet coffee. You might begin by questioning that habit. How did it begin? Second, ask yourself what amount of pleasure you'll be getting out of it? Is the pleasure as much as you thought you would get? Could you cut back a little and spend the remaining money better on something else? With everything you do, in fact, you should train yourself to question your repeated behaviors. In the case of the cell phone, could you take a step back from the cutting edge, reduce your outlay, and use some of the money for something else? And as for the coffee, rather than asking which blend of coffee you will have today, ask yourself whether you should even be having that habitual cup of expensive coffee at all. I am not claiming that spending money on a wonderful cup of coffee every day, or even a few times a day, is necessarily a bad decision. I am saying only that we should question our decisions. We should also pay particular attention to the first decision we make in what is going to be a long stream of decisions, about clothing, food, etc. When we face such a decision, it might seem to us that this is just one decision, without large consequences. But in fact, the power of the first decision can have such a long-lasting effect, that it will percolate into our future decisions for years to come. Given this effect, the first decision is crucial, and we should give it an appropriate amount of attention. - 1:31:36

...you can maintain the status quo with a 20 cent fee, as in the case of Amazon's shipping in France, or you can start a stampede by offering something free. Think how powerful that idea is. Zero is not just another discount. Zero is a different place. The difference between 2 cents and 1 cent is small, but the difference between 1 cent and zero is huge. - 2:05:51

Money, as it turns out, is very often the most expensive way to motivate people. Social norms are not only cheaper, but often more effective, as well. - 2:45:30

...understanding arousal's impact on behaviour might help society grapple with some of its most difficult problems, such as teen pregnancy, and the spread of HIV/AIDS. There are sexual motivations everywhere we look, and yet we understand very little about how these influence our decision-making. - 2:50:43

A recent study found that a teenager driving alone was 40% more likely to get into an accident than an adult. But with one other teenager in the car, the percentage was twice that. And with a third teenager along for the ride, the percentage doubled again. - 3:12:38

It may be that our models of human behaviour need to be rethought. There is no such thing as a fully integrated human being. We may, in fact, be an agglomeration of multiple selves. Although there is nothing much we can do to get our Dr Jekyll to fully appreciate the strength of our Mr Hyde, perhaps just being aware that we are prone to making the wrong decisions when gripped by intense emotion, may help us in some way to apply our knowledge of our Hyde-selves to our daily activities. How can we force our Hyde self to behave better? - 3:16:54

Interestingly, these results suggest that although almost everyone has problems with procrastination, those who recognize and admit their weakness are in a better position to utilize available tools for pre-commitment, and by doing so help themselves overcome it. - 3:29:48

Resisting temptation and instilling self-control are general human goals, and repeatedly failing to achieve them is a source of much of our misery. When I look around, I see people trying their best to do the right thing, whether they are dieters vowing to avoid a tempting dessert tray, or families vowing to spend less and save more. The struggle for control is all around us. We see it in books and magazine; radio and television airwaves are chocked with messages of self-improvement and help. And yet, for all this electronic chatter and focus in print, we find ourselves again and again in the same predicament as my students: failing over and over to reach our long term goals. Why? Because without pre-commitments we keep on falling for temptation. - 3:30:16

When it comes to medicines, then, we learned that you get what you pay for. Price can change the experience. - 5:30:46

If I were to distill one main lesson from the research described in this book, it is that we are pawns in a game whose forces we largely fail to comprehend. We usually think of ourselves as sitting in the driver's seat, with ultimate control over the decisions we make and the direction our life takes. But alas, this perception has more to do with our desires, with how we want to view ourselves, than with reality. - 7:17:22

A second main lesson is that although irrationality is commonplace, it does not necessarily mean that we are helpless. Once we understand when and where we may make erroneous decisions, we can try to be more vigilant, force ourselves to think differently about these decisions, or use technology to overcome our inherent shortcomings. - 7:19:22

Audiobook reflection: Allegiant

Allegiant concludes the Divergent stories as, in my opinion, the most-quotable and thought-provoking installment of the trilogy, packed full of social commentary (not in a bad way), and with a reminder that no person is all-good or all-evil: every person / relationship / conflict / what-have-you has at least two sides to the story. It's also clear that Veronica Roth grew as a writer between her first and third books. This is not to say the first was "bad," it is simply to say her word choice and character development are significantly more advanced in book 3 than they were in book 1. Growth is a good thing.

Allegiant is the only book in the trilogy to alternate first-person narratives between Tris and Tobias, giving a new perspective into our characters. Without revealing too much in the way of spoilers, the storyline reminded me of a childhood favorite book of mine, called Running Out Of Time, as well as, again, the Hunger Games (though for different reasons this time than before). There was also an Orwellian (1984) element at play: whoever controls knowledge, controls history.

It took until 3 and a half hours into Allegiant before I finally caught the play-on-words of "Dauntless" and "daunting" (thanks to the character Zoe for cracking a joke about it, which finally clued me in after two and a quarter books of hearing the word; *hangs head in shame*).

Something I've loved about the Divergent series, that is particularly played out in Allegiant, is that [most] people are not clearly defined as good and bad. While some characters are clearly more good or more bad, even the most extreme characters have shades of gray, like in real life. For the ones who are "evil," you get to see a little bit into their perspective. Not that a rational person could justify their actions, but you at least understand their conviction and why *they* think they're doing the right thing. If I had to sum the book up into one "life lesson," I'd say it's about learning to see both sides of a conflict.

Speaking of conflict, I like that Tris and Tobias demonstrate what it's like to be in a "real" relationship: there are ups and downs and some days you hate the other person, but you still choose to fight to make that relationship work, and that is beautiful. And on a broader scope, the book drives home the bond of family and friends, reversing the oft-quoted mantra from book 1 that had proclaimed "faction before family."

Spoiler alert: a lot of people die in this book. Which leads to another point of interest: we watch two characters wrestle whether to drink a memory-loss serum that would cause them to forget their lives. For one character it's because he's ashamed of his past misdeeds; for the other it's to forget the intense pain of losing a loved one. It's a fascinating question: if you could forget all your memories of your loved one in order to make the pain go away, would you? (I guess there's already a movie about this, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind... which I hated).

In my opinion one mark of a "good" book is how emotionally connected I as reader become. I found myself grieving along with the characters during the story, and even after the book had ended - I ended up driving home almost in a state of mourning. Well done, Author.

As mentioned in my intro paragraph, this was the most quotable and thought-provoking book in the series. Holy cow did I pull a lot of quotes. Intended or not, I see a lot of commentary here about wealth and class inequality, political bickering and misdirection at the expense of serving society (I'm aiming at both sides of the aisle on that one), religious squabbling about issues of non-eternal relevance, and of course, good and evil. Not to be all Debbie-downer, though, I also see a lot of lessons here about what faith, love, patience, and forgiveness are about.

Allegiant ends with a world far from perfect, not the way I as reader would have wanted it to turn out, and yet full of hope. Life carries on, a new sense of normalcy is found again, even after deep losses. As in real life this doesn't mean you "get over it," but you can (and the characters do) find a new normal and ways to honor your loved one by pressing forward to live your life. In the quote list below, if you don't read all of them, at least read the final two.

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My favorite quotes

Every question that can be answered must be answered, or at least engaged. Illogical thought processes must be challenged when they arise. Wrong answers must be corrected. Correct answers must be affirmed. - From the Erudite faction manifesto, 0:00:37

"I think I'd like to find a middle ground for myself," [Tobias] says. "To find that place between what I want and what I think is wise."
"That sounds good." I pause. "But what do you want?" - Tris, 0:42:00

New outfits can't erase the divisions between us. They are engrained. - Tris, 1:21:17

By the light of the flashlights I can just make out the tattoo of a hawk on the back of her neck, the first thing I spoke to her about when she administered my aptitude test. She told me it was a symbol of a fear she had overcome, a fear of the dark. I wonder if that fear still creeps up on her now, though she worked so hard to face it. I wonder if fears ever really go away, or if they just lose their power over us. - Tris, 2:05:59

It is all luck, or providence, depending on what you believe. And I don't know - have never known - exactly what I believe. - Tris, 2:11:50

"But there's so much that was a lie. It's hard to figure out what was true, what was real, what matters." [Tobias]
I take his hand, slipping my fingers between his. He touches his forehead to mine. I catch myself thinking, "Thank God for this" out of habit, and then I understand what he's so concerned about. What if my parents' God, their whole belief system, is just something concocted by a bunch of scientists to keep us under control? And not just their beliefs about God, and whatever else is out there, but about right, and wrong, about selflessness? Do all those things have to change because we know how our world was made? - Tris, 3:11:20

"It's the symbol of the Bureau of Genetic Welfare," she [Zoe] says. "The slab of stone is the problem we're facing, the tank of water is our potential for changing that problem, and the drop of water is what we're actually able to do at any given time."
I can't help it, I laugh. "Not very encouraging is it?"
She smiles. "That's one way of looking at it. I prefer to look at it another way, which is that if they are persistent enough, even tiny drops of water, over time, can change the rock forever, and it will never change back."
She points to the center of the slap where there is a small impression, like a shallow bowl, carved into the stone. "That, for example, wasn't there when they installed this thing."
I nod, and watch the next drop fall. Even though I'm wary of the Bureau and everyone in it, I can feel the quiet hope of the sculpture working its way through me. It's a practical symbol, communicating the patient attitude that has allowed the people here to stay for so long, watching, and waiting. But I have to ask. "Wouldn't it be more effective to unleash the whole tank at once?" I imagine the wave of water, colliding with the rock, and spilling over the tile floor, collecting around my shoes. Doing a little at once can fix something, eventually, but I feel like when you believe that something is truly a problem, you throw everything you have at it, because you just can't help yourself.
"Momentarily," she says. "But then we wouldn't have any water left to do anything else." - Tris and Zoe 3:24:52

"Do the colors of the uniforms mean anything?" I [Tris] ask Zoe.
"Yes, actually. Dark blue means scientist or researcher, and green means support staff. They do maintenance, upkeep, things like that."
"So they're like the factionless."
"No." She says. "No, the dynamic is different here. Everyone does what they can to support the mission. Everyone is valued and important." - 3:28:59

[During Tris's first plane ride:] And as I stare out at the land, I think that this, if nothing else, is compelling evidence for my parents' God. That our world is so massive that it is completely out of our control. That we cannot possibly be as large as we feel. So small, as to be negligible. It's strange, but there's something in that thought that makes me feel almost free. - 4:22:52

The division is based on knowledge, based on qualifications, but as I learned from the factionless, a system that relies on a group of uneducated people to do its dirty work without giving them a way to rise, is hardly fair. [Tobias]
"I think your girl's right, you know," Nita says. "Nothing has changed. Now you just have a better idea of your own limitations. Every human being has limitations, even GPs [Genetically Pure]." - 4:35:59

"Everyone has to blame something for the way the world is." - Tris, 5:07:09

"It's a little rudimentary, but this book helped to teach me what it is to be human," he says. "To be such a complicated mysterious piece of biological machinery, and more amazing still, to have the capacity to analyze that machinery. That is a special thing, unprecedented in all of evolutionary history. Our ability to know about ourselves and the world is what makes us human." - Matthew, 5:09:23

"Why do people come here, then?" I [Tobias] frown. "Why don't they just go back to the cities?"
....
"Here there's a chance that if you die, someone will care. Like Raffi or one of the other leaders," the guard says. "In the cities, if you get killed, definitely no one will give a damn, not if you're a GD [Genetically Damaged]. The worst crime I've ever seen a GP get charged with for killing a GD was manslaughter. Bullshit. ... It means the crime is deemed an accident. ... Or at least not as severe as, say, first degree murder. Officially, of course, we're all treated the same, yes? But that is rarely put into practice."
He [a guard] stands beside me, his arms folded. I see when I look at him a king surveying his own kingdom, which he believes is beautiful. I look out at the street, at the broken pavement and the limp body with its turned-out pockets, and the windows flickering with firelight, and I know the beauty he sees is just freedom. Freedom to be seen as a whole man instead of a damaged one. - Tobias, 5:49:24

She knew that the truth, whatever it was, would change our struggle, would shift our priorities forever. And here, now, a lie has changed the struggle, a lie has shifted priorities forever. Instead of working against the poverty or crime that have run rampant over this country, these people have chosen to work against "genetic damage." [Tobias]
"Why? Why spend so much time and energy fighting something that isn't really a problem?" I demand, suddenly frustrated.
"Well, the people fighting it now probably fight it because they have been taught that it *is* a problem. That's another thing that Raffi showed me, examples of the propaganda the government released about genetic damage," Nita says. "But initially, I don't know. It's probably a dozen things. Prejudice against GDs, control maybe? Control the genetically damaged population by teaching them that there's something wrong with them, and control the genetically pure population by teaching them that they're healed and whole. These things don't happen overnight, and they don't happen for just one reason." [Nita] - 5:55:20

"...no matter how smart, people usually see what they're already looking for." - Tris, 6:01:15

I know I'm fumbling for an explanation, one I may not really believe, but I say it anyway. "I guess, I don't see a reason to believe in genetic damage. Will it make me treat other people better? No. The opposite maybe. And besides, I see what it's doing to Tobias, how it's making him doubt himself, and I don't understand how anything good can possibly come from it." - Tris, 6:01:32

"...everyone has some evil inside them, and the first step to loving anyone, is to recognize the same evil in ourselves, so we're able to forgive them." - Caleb, quoting his and Tris's mother, 6:28:21

"You know what the Abnegation used to say about pride?" [Tris]
"Something unfavorable, I assume?" [Kara]
I laugh.
"Obviously. They said it blinds people to the truth of what they are." - Tris, 7:10:49

David sits in a wheelchair, his legs covered in a stiff material, to keep the bones in place so they can heal, I assume. He looks pale, and wan, but healthy enough. Though I know that he had something to do with the attack simulation and with all those deaths, I find it difficult to pair those actions with the man I see in front of me. I wonder if this is how it is with all evil men, that to someone, they look just like good men, talk like good men, are just as likable as good men." - Tris, 7:26:00

"If I was a psychopath, I would have killed you in your sleep by now." [Peter]
"And added my eyeballs to your eyeball collection, no doubt." [Tobias]
Peter laughs, too, and I realize that I am exchanging jokes and conversation with the initiate who stabbed Edward in the eye and tried to kill my girlfriend... but then, he's also the Dauntless who helped us end the attack simulation and saved Tris from a horrible death. I am not sure which actions should weigh more heavily on my mind. Maybe I should forget them all and let him begin again. - Tobias, 7:38:40

Evelyn tried to control people by controlling weapons, but Jeanine was more ambitious. She knew that when you control information or manipulate it, you don't need force to keep people under your thumb. They stay there willingly. - Tris, 7:58:54

"...anytime you mash two different people against each other, you'll get problems. But I can see that what you guys have is worthwhile." - Amar, 8:15:48

"I thought I was supposed to figure out if I could forgive you or not. But now, I'm thinking you didn't do anything to me that I need to forgive. Except maybe accusing me of being jealous of Nita.... If we stay together, I'll have to forgive you over and over again, and if you're still in this, you'll have to forgive me over and over again, too." - Tris, 8:31:14

They're similar, Kara and Tris. Two women sharpened by loss. The difference is that Kara's pain has made her certain of everything, and Tris has guarded her uncertainty, protected it, despite all she's been through. She still approaches everything with a question instead of an answer. It is something I admire about her. Something I should probably admire more. - Tobias, 8:44:01

"There is a difference between admitting and confessing. Admitting involves softening, making excuses for things that cannot be excused. Confessing just names the crime in its full severity." - Kara, 9:07:07

Just as I have insisted on his worth, he has always insisted on my strength. Insisted that my capacity is greater than I believe. And I know, without being told, that's what love does. When it's right, it makes you more than you were, more than you thought you could be. - Tris, 9:25:30

I cycle through the things you're supposed to say at times like these. The apologies and the sympathy. I don't find a single phrase that feels right to me. Instead I just let the silence stretch out between us. It's the only adequate response to what he just told me, the only thing that does the tragedy justice instead of patching it up hastily and moving on. - Tobias, 9:44:27

"Have you really forgiven me? Or are you just saying that you have because I'm about to die?" [Caleb]
I stare at my hands, which rest in my lap. I have been able to be kind and pleasant to him because every time I think of what happened in Erudite headquarters, I immediately push the thought aside. But that can't be forgiveness. If I had forgiven him, I would be able to think of what happened without that hatred I can feel in my gut, right? Or maybe forgiveness is just the continual pushing aside of bitter memories, until time dulls the hurt, and the anger, and the wrong is forgotten. For Caleb's sake, I choose the believe the latter.
"Yes. I have," I say. I pause. "Or at least, I desperately want to, and I think that might be the same thing." - Tris, 10:05:25

I know that change is difficult, and comes slowly, and that it is the work of many days strung together in a long line until the origin of them is forgotten. - Tobias, 10:44:47

Maybe just as skin on a hand grows tougher after pain and repetition, a person does, too. But I don't want to become a calloused man. There are other kinds of people in this world. There's the kind like Tris, who after suffering and betrayal could still find enough love to lay down her life instead of her brother's. Or the kind like Kara, who could still forgive the person who shot her brother in the head. Or Christina, who lost friend after friend but still decided to stay open, to make new ones. Appearing in front of me is another choice, brighter and stronger than the ones I gave myself. - Tobias, 11:24:15

There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved for the sake of something greater. But sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life. - Tobias, 11:25:40

"Sometimes life really sucks. But you know what I'm holding on for? .... The moments that don't suck. The trick is to notice them when they come around." - Christina, 11:49:17

Since I was young I have always known this: life damages us, everyone. We can't escape that damage. But now I am also learning this: we can be mended. We mend each other. - Tobias, 11:49:45

Audiobook reflection: Insurgent

Where Divergent felt coherent and driven, it's sequel, Insurgent, felt like reading about the Israelites in the book of Exodus: numerous semi-disconnected mini-stories, lacking a definitive destination. On the other hand though, and also like Exodus, sometimes it's nice reading chaotic, my-world's-falling-apart-around-me stories like this, because I'm reminded just how little I actually have to worry about in my life, and how even my most-distressing problems pale in comparison to what these characters face. I mean, yes, of course it's fiction, but still it's a nice reminder.

On the positive-feedback side: something that stood out to me in particular were the occasional references to God, and even a couple prayers. Hundreds of years in the future, faith still exists.

And I have a new favorite insult I hope I get to use in real life: "pansy-cake."

Lastly, I'm sure you've noticed every author has a favorite word or two that they overuse? Veronica's favorite (and overused) word is "breaths". Odd, but there it is.

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My favorite quotes

"We have before us today an urgent question... how will we conduct ourselves in this time of conflict, as people who pursue peace?"
Every Amity in the room turns to the person next to him or her, and starts talking.
"How do they get anything done?" I say as the minutes of chatter wear on.
"They don't care about efficiency," Tobias says. "They care about agreement. Watch."
Two women in yellow dresses a few feet away rise, and join a trio of men. A young man shifts so that his small circle becomes a large one with the group next to him. All around the room, the smaller crowds grow and expand, and fewer and fewer voices fill the room, until there are only three or four. I can only hear pieces of what they say. "Peace." "Dauntless." "Erudite." "Safehouse." "Involvement."
"This is bizarre," I say.
"I think it's beautiful," he says.
I give him a look.
"What?" He laughs a little. "They each have an equal role in government. They each feel equally responsible. And it makes them care. It makes them kind. I think that's beautiful." - 26:45

The truth has a way of changing a person's plans. - 43:03

"It's wrong," he says [referring to Tris's parents' deaths]. "It doesn't matter if your parents are in a better place. They aren't here with you, and that's wrong, Tris. It shouldn't have happened. It shouldn't have happened to you. And anyone who tells you it's okay is a liar." - Tobias, 1:06:27

I read somewhere once that crying defies scientific explanation. Tears are only meant to lubricate the eyes, there's no real reason for tear glands to overproduce tears at the behest of emotion. I think we cry to release the animal parts of us without losing our humanity... - 7:28:11

"Spoken like a true Dauntless... It's either one way or the other. No nuances. The world doesn't work like that, Beatrice. Evil depends on where you're standing." - Caleb, 8:04:12

...it occurs to me that I might be meeting Tobias's true faction. They are not characterized by a particular virtue. They claim all colors, all activities, all virtues, and all flaws as their own. I don't know what binds them together, the only common ground they have as far as I know is failure. Whatever it is, it seems to be enough. I feel as I look at him that I am finally seeing him as he is, instead of how he is in relation to me. So how well do I really know him if I have not seen this before? - 8:58:51

All I can do is decide if I trust Marcus or not. And while he has done cruel, evil things, our society is not divided into good and bad. Cruelty does not make a person dishonest, the same way bravery does not make a person kind. Marcus is not good or bad, but both. Well, he is probably more bad than good, but that doesn't mean he's lying. - 9:08:31

I was worried she wouldn't want to come with me, but I forgot where Christina came from. Candor, where the pursuit of Truth is more important than anything else. She may be Dauntless now, but if there's one thing I've learned through all this, it's that we never leave our old factions behind. - 9:21:58

"When you are entrusted with all the information you have to decide how much other people should know." - Marcus, 9:29:33

"May the peace of God be with you," she says, her voice low. "Even in the midst of trouble."
"Why would it?" I say softly, so no one else can hear. "After all I've done."
"It isn't about you," she says. "It is a gift. You cannot earn it, or it ceases to be a gift." - 9:36:37

People, I've discovered, are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, that you understand them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them. - 11:01:33

"Do remember, though, that sometimes the people you oppress become mightier than you would like." - Johanna Reyes, 11:10:50

Audiobook reflection: Divergent

I'm stumped how I managed to remain oblivious to the world of Divergent for so long, but that changed a month ago when, in a craving for SciFi, I bumped the DVD to the top of my Netflix queue. As I reclined on my couch, teacup in hand, my friend Joe called and when I told him what I was watching, he emphatically informed me it was a great movie and I'd enjoy it. He was 100% correct. I enjoyed it so much, in fact, that I watched it two nights in a row. Upon learning from the credits that the movie was based on a book, I checked Audible for an audiobook, and in short order had acquired the entire trilogy.

Written by Veronica Roth and published in 2011, Divergent follows the life of Tris, a 16-year-old girl living in a post-apocalyptic Chicago, hundreds of years in our future. Her dystopian society is divided into five Factions: Abnegation, Amity, Candor, Dauntless, and Erudite, each identified by particular traits and societal roles. For example, the Abnegation are selfless servants to the poor (the factionless) as well as government officials; the Erudite are the scientists and scholars; the Dauntless are the soldiers; the Candor are 100% honest, 100% of the time; and the Amity are peace-loving farmers. Tris is born into Abnegation, but on "choosing day," leaves behind that life and becomes Dauntless.

(Side-note: I just discovered the author, Veronica, is three years younger than I am. What am I doing with my life?!)

Divergent lives in the same dystopian family of books as The Hunger Games, a genre that may well be my favorite. My Candor opinion is that while the Divergent book was certainly good, it felt scattered when compared against its cinematic counterpart. What I appreciated about the movie over the book (in addition to an awesome soundtrack) was 1) a smoother, easier-to-follow flow of events, 2) they toned down the violence, and 3) they make Tris stronger and more heroic (for example, her refusal to be kicked out of Dauntless, which strictly speaking wasn't in the book). On the other hand, as is always the case, the book gives much deeper insight into character motivations, which you simply can't capture on camera.

(For a general list of differences between book and movie, check out http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Divergent-10-Big-Differences-Between-Movie-Book-42202.html and a complete list of all the differences at http://divergent.wikia.com/wiki/Divergent_Book_to_Film_Differences.)

I think one sign of a good book is whether it engages the reader to the point of asking, "where would I fit into this story, if I lived in this book's world?" (For example in Harry Potter I'd be sorted into Ravenclaw). I pondered this question as I listened to Divergent, and came to the conclusion my in-world aptitude test would yield either Erudite or Abnegation. Or, possibly, like Tris, I'd find affinity with both, and be labeled Divergent.

Unlike Tris, I doubt I would fit into Dauntless, although I do admire some of what the faction stands for. An excerpt from the Dauntless manifesto: (lifted from http://divergent.wikia.com/wiki/Dauntless)
We believe in freedom from fear, in denying fear the power to influence our decisions.
We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.
We believe in shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves.
We believe, not just in bold words but in bold deeds to match them.

One might argue those attributes are rather Christ-like. Which is a good segue here. Something else I loved about Divergent was that Tris's family mentions God, her father prayed before meals, and Tris's outlook on the world is influenced, to some degree, by this faith. At the same time, it's not overt and the author doesn't beat us over the head, it's just a tiny treasure tucked into the pages.

Lastly, I've noticed my mood is affected by the books I read, and Divergent in particular made me more willing to face fears. For example, my friends and I went to ValleyScare on Halloween, and other than my fear of un-enclosed heights on the PowerTower, the rides that used to intimidate me when I was younger, didn't; instead I was all, "yeah, let's do that!" Also I really don't like haunted houses, but I faced that fear as well (even tried asking out one of the cuter zombies for a drink of brainz, but she declined). Knowing my friend Anne dresses as a zombie performer for similar events out in LA, helped me keep focused that these were all just actors doing a job. I digress. Point being, in small ways, Divergent made me feel more brave.

And lastly lastly because I just remembered there was more I wanted to say: this novel carries important social commentaries, which I'm sure are dependent on each reader's individual worldview, but my takeaways were 1) a re-affirmation about how crucial is community (first quote below, which also reminded me of Beggars in Spain); and 2) a reminder about the complexity of society and how it truly "takes all kinds" to run the world - scientists, farmers, peacekeepers, caretakers, etc. No single faction of people has the complete set of skills necessary for a functional community.

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My favorite quotes

"To live factionless is not just to live in poverty and discomfort, it is to live divorced from society, separated from the most important thing in life: community. My mother told me once that we can't survive alone, but even if we could, we wouldn't want to. Without a faction, we have no purpose, and no reason to live." - Tris, 27:59

"The houses on my street are all the same size and shape. They are made of grey cement, with few windows, in economical non-nonsense rectangles. Their lawns are crabgrass, and their mailboxes are dull metal. To some the sight might be gloomy, but to me their simplicity is comforting. The reason for the simplicity isn't disdain for uniqueness, as the other factions have sometimes interpreted it. Everything, our houses, our clothes, our hairstyles, is meant to help us forget ourselves, and to protect us from vanity, greed, and envy, which are just forms of selfishness. If we have little, and want for little, we are all equal, we envy no one. I try to love it." - Tris, 38:43

"My natural tendency toward sarcasm is still not appreciated. Sarcasm is always at someone's expense. Maybe it's better that Abnegation wants me to suppress it. Maybe I don't have to leave my family. Maybe if I fight to make Abnegation work, my act will turn into reality." - Tris, 39:50

"We sit at the table. We always pass food to the right, and no one eats until everyone is served. My father extends his hands to my mother and my brother, and they extend their hands to him and me, and my father gives thanks to God for food, and work, and friends and family. Not every Abnegation family is religious, but my father says we should try not to see those differences because they will only divide us. I am not sure what to make of that." - Tris, 45:43

"Would it be worth my effort to try to help her, if I know I'm too weak to do any good? I know what those questions are: Excuses. 'Human reason can excuse any evil. That is why it's so important that we don't rely on it.' My father's words." - Tris, 2:23:59

"I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably it is the most important aspect." - Four
He is right about that. What good is a prepared body if you have a scattered mind? - Tris, 3:14:16

"He is not sweet, or gentle, or particularly kind, but he is smart, and brave. And even though he saved me, he treated me like I was strong. That is all I need to know." - Tris, 6:35:14

Audiobook reflection: The Time Traveler's Wife

The Time Traveler's Wife, written by Audrey Niffenegger and published in 2003, is a romantic drama about a time traveler and his wife (go figure). To fantastically over-simplify the plot: Henry has a genetic disorder called chrono-impairment, which forces him to travel through time, and he has no control over 1) when he leaves the present, 2) when he arrives in the past, 3) how long he stays there [though it's rarely more than a few hours/days], and 4) how much time has passed when he arrives back in the present. In his travels he is always drawn toward people and events that are significant in his life, for example his younger self, his parents, and his to-be wife, Clare, throughout her childhood. The first-person narrative alternates between Clare's and Henry's voices.

When I saw the movie years ago, I had no idea it had been a book first. After learning this, I was excited to experience the written rendition, since I loved the movie, and I know books are usually better than their movies. Upon finishing the novel, though, I think I've found another rare exception where the book !> movie.

My three primary complaints are:

1. The book was just plain vulgar, much moreso than I expected from my memories of the movie. The author's favorite word started with an "f" and rhymed with "firetruck", which, even if it is vernacular, I generally view as a lewd lack of creativity.
2. The book was in no hurry to get anywhere. While cutting the page count in half might sound extreme, I nevertheless left with the feeling the author had crammed a 10-hour story into one 17.5 hours long. (yes, you read that sentence correctly).
3. (Spoiler alert) After Henry's death there is a heart-breaking scene where Clare is raped by her best friend's husband, and she's too emotionally devastated from losing Henry to resist this douche-tool's advances. This scene was omitted from the movie, so it caught me completely off-guard; and frankly I don't see why the author felt compelled to include it - the story would be no less complete without it.

On the other hand, things I did like:

1. TTTW is a love story that happens to have a science fiction element, rather than the other way around. Once you accept the premise, the characters respond to each other realistically.
2. Every chapter opens with a date and the characters' ages ("Henry is 32, Clare is 24"), which makes following Henry's time travel infinitely easier.
3. From Henry and Clare's daughter I've collected another name for my list-of-possible-kids'-names: Alba. When we meet her late in the book at the age of 10, she's clear-spoken and wise beyond her years, and so I really like her character as a namesake. (as you probably know I'm hoping to adopt, in which case I don't think they let you rename the child(ren), but hypothetically if my future wife strongly desires bio-kids, then I'm keeping a list of names I'd advocate for).
4. (Spoiler alert) The final scene in the book is beautiful, and a tearjerker. Clare, 82, stares out a window, waiting for Henry, waiting for a moment she knows will come because of a letter Henry left for her before his death. In his letter Henry implored Clare: "Until then, live. Fully. Present in the world, which is so beautiful." We are left to our own imaginations whether Clare ever fell in love again, married or raised Alba as a single-parent, or continued waiting on Henry. No matter Clare's path, the author gives the reader a gift of [partial] closure via this one last meeting of Henry and Clare. For anyone who's ever longed for a lover's return, the Truth and Hope found in this scene are palpable.

As alluded, both book and movie have sad endings, though it is sadness mixed with hope, reminding me of my emotions at the end of Bridge to Terabithia, Star Wars III, and The Fault In Our Stars (off the top of my head).

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My favorite quotes

Tuesday, September 11, 2001. Clare is 30, Henry is 38.
I wake up at 6:43, and Henry is not in bed. .... In the living room, Henry is sitting on the couch with Alba cradled in his arms, not watching the little black and white television with the sound turned low. Alba is asleep. I sit down next to Henry. He puts his arm around me.
"How come you're up?" I ask him. "I thought you said it wasn't for a couple of hours yet."
On the TV a weatherman is smiling and pointing at a satellite picture of the midwest.
"I couldn't sleep," Henry says. "I wanted to listen to the world being normal for a little while longer." - 13:21:26

"Do you worry sometimes that all the really great stuff has already happened?" - Clare, 14:09:20

"Every angel is terrifying. And yet, alas, I invoke you, almost-deadly birds of the soul." - Clare (remembering something Henry quoted), 15:45:30

"We will see each other again, Clare. Until then, live. Fully. Present in the world, which is so beautiful. It's dark now and I am very tired. I love you, always. Time is nothing. Henry." Henry's letter to Clare after his death, 17:06:50

Audiobook reflection: Will Grayson, Will Grayson

Co-written by John Green and David Levithan, WGWG follows two high school boys both named Will Grayson, each of their narratives penned by one of the authors. By the second paragraph of the second chapter, I already was hooked by Will Grayson #1, and deeply loathed sailor-mouthed will grayson #2. (side-note: I listened to the audiobook, and so it's only now after reading the Wikipedia article that I've learned the second will grayson's name apparently never is capitalized). Despite my intense initial hatred of wg2, within short order the authors had captivated me, enthralling me in the emotional ups and downs of all the main characters, even beyond the two Will Graysons. The book particularly excelled at hilarious hyperbole: every metaphor surrounding Tiny Cooper (WG1's best friend) was delightful, to the extent of me giggling out loud more than a few times. Tiny Cooper, as you might expect from his name, is a physically ginormous human being, and the authors missed no opportunities to exploit humor from his gargantuan stature. Just one example: "I notice Tiny looking blankly at me, swaying back and forth like a skyscraper in the wind..." (31:35 in the audiobook).

Pencil-whipping here, but I'd argue one metric for defining whether a book is "good" ought to be: am I, the Reader, invested enough in the characters' lives that I care about what happens after the narrative ends? (coming to mind: Hazel Grace from The Fault In Our Stars yearned, longed, to learn the fates of her beloved characters from her favorite book, An Imperial Affliction). My answer here is: yes. If there were a sequel, I'd give it a listen. By the end even wg2 had weaseled his way into my heart. I was also proven wrong about Tiny Cooper, whom I'd initially pegged (and dismissed) as über-annoying and one-dimensional; the boy has wisdom beyond his high school years. Oh, and one more thing about Tiny: through the WGWG book, he's busy producing (and eventually starring in) a musical about his life. Coming up in March 2015 David Levithan will publish "Hold me closer: the Tiny Cooper Story," the complete in-story musical, which should be entertaining, and also, an excuse to keep hanging out with these characters I've loved.

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My favorite quotes

I don't really understand the point of crying. Also, I feel that crying is almost like, aside from deaths of relatives or whatever, totally avoidable if you follow two very simple rules. Number 1: don't care too much. Number 2: shut up. Everything unfortunate that has ever happened to me has stemmed from failure to follow one of the rules. - 4:05

And I say, "you can trust that caring, as a rule, ends poorly." Which is true. Caring doesn't sometimes lead to misery, it always does. "My heart is broken," Tiny says, as if the thing has never happened before to him. As if it has never happened before to anyone. And maybe that's the problem. Maybe each new breakup feels so radically new to Tiny that in some way it hasn't happened before. - 28:37

He's still looking at me quizzically, when, sounding stone sober he [Tiny] says, "Grayson, something needs to happen." And I say, "huh?" And Tiny says, "because otherwise, what if we just end up like everybody at The Hideout?" And I'm about to say "huh" again, because those people were far cooler than our classmates, and also far cooler than us, but then I know what he means. He means, what if we become grown-ups waiting for a band that's never coming back? - 31:00

And what I appreciated most of all, came in the authors' acknowledgements after the closing chapter:

We acknowledge that being the person God made you cannot separate you from God's love. - 7:50:22