The Second Noel

He's finally asleep.

J and I are exhausted. I suppose I didn't think birthing and raising a child would be easy, but, I never imagined the sleep deprivation. I don't think I've slept in a year. This baby might be my future Messiah, but he still cries and poops like every other baby I've seen. I need rest.

And we've also been on the run. J had a dream, a vision from God, telling us we were in danger. So we left. Decamped that very night, and headed to Egypt. We were welcomed, I suppose you could say. I mean, no one here has been overtly hostile to us. But it's not home. I miss home. I miss my parents, my brothers and sisters, my friends. I haven't seen them or heard from them in well over a year.

J and I are getting along better now. It was a rough start for us. I suppose some girls my age would think it romantic to be swept away by their husband-to-be, but, truth be told it was just awkward. We barely knew each other. Even though everyone else our age was getting betrothed, I think we were too young.

But it's getting better now. Even away from home, away from our Community, we are ... dare I say, thriving? We used some of the gold gifts, and sold some of the myrrh, and that got us through a lot of the months. Now that we're at least somewhat settled, J's been able to find work. There's always a demand for carpenters, and J's really good at what he does. I'm so proud of him. I'm so grateful for him. I can't imagine raising this baby without him.

This baby.

Today's his first birthday. To think of where we were one year ago, desperate for a place to rest. Now he's resting comfortably on my lap. He's so serene. I treasure these quiet moments, because I know eventually he will grow up, and life will be more complicated. But for now, when I look into his face, I see Peace.

Runaway Sheep

Close call. Woke up this morning and one of the sheep had run away! We spent all day searching. I thought for sure he'd been eaten, or wandered all the way to Egypt. The others always say I'm the pessimist. Maybe they're right.

Well anyway, we found him. The sheep. Now he's watching the sunset with all his sheep friends. Looks like it'll be clear skies, a good night for star-gazing.

I wonder if sheep think like we do? They're all staring at the sky like it's the strangest thing they've ever seen. I wonder what they're thinking.

Now wait, what are they staring at? It's getting brighter. But how? It's night. There's a... it looks like a man floating in the sky, dressed all in white, and, he's glowing?

Shepherd #2, do you see what I see? Oh, good. That means I might not be going crazy. But that also means it's real! I'm scared. Do you hear what I hear, too? This, ... Being - he / she / it - is speaking! "Hark, fear not," he says. ("fear not," yeah, right) Good news, he says. Town of David, cloths, manger, Messiah - it's all a lot to take in at once. Now there are more of the... Beings. They're singing. It's beautiful. We sing to the sheep, but I've never heard music as moving, peaceful, hopeful as this.

They're gone. The heavenly intervention comes to a close. We're all dumbfounded. Was that real? It's hard to imagine we'd all have the same hallucination, if that's what it was, but... would YHWH speak to us in this way? Us, lowly and humble shepherds? I guess there's only one way to find out: we need to start stumbling toward Bethlehem.

Luke's Angels

Anticipation is abundant, and everyone's a little on edge. Especially Gabriel. I would be, too, if I were in his wings. Don't get me wrong, he's memorized his lines, "do not fear" and all that, but, I mean, he's got the most important message that any of us has ever delivered! History-shattering kind of stuff. Pressure's on, don't want to mess up.

I don't know how much time has been spent - no, invested - getting ready, preparing the stage, but we've been busy. This is a masterpiece of a production. So many details. And so many players! (I hear most of them don't even know their parts yet!) I'm honored the Director is letting me play even a small role. I might "just" be in the backup chorus, but for me, it's a big deal. I don't think anyone is unhappy with their assignment. Well. Lou, I guess. Lou always wanted to be the star before he ran away. We try not to remember. It's a sad story.

No sadness today. Today's story is a new beginning. In fact it's the beginning of what, I'm told, will be the ultimate story ever. Words are incapable of capturing this excitement, this feeling of aliveness that permeates everyone and everything here! People woke up this morning thinking it would be just another day in the life, but they are so wrong! Today their lives are changed, forever.

Gotta fly. The Director's calling places.

Everyone's ready. Shake out the nerves. Breathe.

Cue Gabriel.

Go.

Pragmatic Christmas

I lucked out this Christmas - every gift my parents and family gave me was practical. Even including socks, which I'd asked for :)

My parents know me well, I discovered: they bought me a water-proof, fire-proof, theft-proof safe (no seriously, it's theft-proof, because it's super HEAVY). This was not something I thought I needed, so my first reaction was "I don't know how I'm going to use this." After some convincing I realized it will actually be very useful for hard drive storage, protecting all my movie-making footage if my house ever goes up in flames. The best part of the story, though: Dad explained afterward, 'I told Mom beforehand he [me] won't like this at first, he's not gonna see the use for it, and say "I can't use this", but once he gets his mind around it he'll figure out it can be useful'. Which is exactly what happened. My parents know me better than I do, apparently.

Minnehaha iBand

Faculty and staff with iPads performed in an "iBand" for the Minnehaha Academy Annual Christmas Musical Variety Show, December 13, 2011.

Inspired by the North Point iBand: http://youtube.com/watch?v=F9XNfWNooz4

Special thanks to Nicholas Freeman for recording and editing.

Christmas Letter 2010

Christmas and New Year's came and went, so I realize this "Christmas letter" is a little late. In my defense, I did tape it during the 12 days of Christmas, but it's taken this long to edit, find backgrounds and graphics, create the motion graphics, sync sound, work with the composer, color correct, render, export, encode, upload, and now finally post. I'm sort of proud of it. Enjoy.

Trust. Again. Because that might be what Christmas is all about.

Impatience is my best friend, tempered only occasionally by fleeting moments of clarity and peace. Blame it on an American culture of instant gratification, call me a Veruca Salt, or you can say I'm ambitious and highly motivated; impatience can play both fault and virtue, depending on context.

As a virtue, impatience makes me get things done. For fighting apathy, that is a powerful ally.

As a fault, I think my impatience boils down to trust. Trust in God, specifically. Or lack thereof.

My situation is thus: there are several relationships in my life that I would desire to be deeper. And that growth may very well happen. In time. But my impatience demands immediate results, rather than trusting God to mould those friendships in Her timing, rather than mine.

Why I would mistrust God in this particular regard is a question beyond me. Yes, I'm perpetually arguing with God over theodicy, but as regards the people in my life, my friendships, my family, God has always worked gifts and miracles beyond my comprehension. In this area of my life, I have no reason to doubt. So why do I still?

Christmas this year, for me, is a story about trust. I choose to believe that something resembling Luke's Gospel narrative took place. And therefore I'm in awe of the trust of Mary. Being an unwed mother was... a bit of a bigger deal in the ancient times. Joseph could have elected to have Mary stoned. He could have disowned her (he was about to do so, in fact). Yet Mary trusted God. Well, she's human, she must have freaked out a little at some point! Yet we are told she had faith, she trusted her well-being to a God that, in that time, was not known to humanity as a personable God.

Who am I, that I think myself greater than Mary, to not trust God?

Minnehaha Puppet Pals

For the 2010 Annual Christmas Talent Show at my school, a re-enactment of the Potter Puppet Pals' "Mysterious Ticking Noise". (see the original at www.potterpuppetpals.com)

Story Time with Jeremy

After the snowpocalypse this weekend, my neighbors invited me over for dinner. We had a delicious chili and enjoyed time relaxing inside, tired from all our shoveling (they had it worse than me - they had two cars to dig out, in addition to shoveling the sidewalks).

As bedtime crept closer, their 3-year-old daughter handed me a couple books and asked if I’d read them to her. This intimidating query caught me off-guard.

Anyone who’s known me more than a few minutes knows that children scare me. Not as much as dogs or worms, but kids are right up there in the top 5. With that being said, since I actually know my neighbor, she doesn’t scare me as much. I’ve still had exactly 0 experience reading bedtime stories, so I suspected this might be some sort of adventure. But how do you say “no” to a 3-year-old?

I said okay, and opened the first book, a story abut Hanukkah. And as I read it, I kept praying there wouldn’t be any big words that I couldn’t pronounce. I’m a good reader, my vocabulary is decent, and I was always the ‘Hermione’ in my grade-school classes when it came to reading out loud, but still the pressure’s on, and I don’t want to look like an idiot in front of a 3-year-old! (or her parents!)

So book one was kind of survival mode, flying by the seat of my pants, “don’t suck”, however you want to phrase it.

Then we opened book 2. The Night Before Christmas. Ah. Now this one I know. You know you’re off to a good start when you’ve got the first page memorized :)

What surprised me about The Night Before Christmas was the vernacular - I looked it up, the poem was first writ (or at least, published) in 1823. Aha! No wonder it contained such unusual words. As an adult, I appreciated the skilled craftsmanship of each stanza, though I wondered how much my neighbor understood of it. I mean, what's a sugar-plum? And what is this window "sash" that he opened? People don't talk like that anymore (I say, with a slight tinge of sadness to my voice).

For all its high language, this poem slips pleasantly off the tongue, making it easy to read aloud. And so as I settled into a rhythm with the words, my mind raced elsewhere and I realized: I can do this. Not just reading a book to my neighbor, I mean, as in, someday, when I have kids, I can do this. I'm soooo not ready to have kids yet, but I have a small sense of peace that, when that time comes, it'll be okay. The concept of being a "Daddy" isn't as scary as it used to be.

I know that reading a story when the child is in a good mood is but one tiny portion of what parenting requires, and the more pleasant portion, at that. I've heard the screaming and temper-tantrums when the Little One isn't in a good mood, when she's not as cute and cuddly, and I'm not quite ready to tackle that part yet. But for me this one small step feels like a huge victory. The idea that I could ever be comfortable around a child, that's encouraging.

And I'm sure that makes my Mom happy to hear :)

Gift-Giving to Jeremy for Birthday/Christmas

To my family and friends, if you’re planning on sending a gift my way for Thanksgiving / my birthday / Christmas, then this post applies to you. Yes, you!

I'm trying to reduce my collection of random "stuff", so I'd rather not receive material gifts this year. Truly, your presence at any celebrations is more than enough. However, if you still feel inclined to give me something, please consider these alternatives instead of a traditional gift:

- a handwritten or typed note about our friendship
- a donation to AWAKEN, Heifer International, or ELCA Good Gifts.

Seriously, I don't need or want any more "stuff". Let's see what kind of good we can do in the world instead!