Peter

I played Peter again this past weekend for AWAKEN.

On Sunday we added something: after Peter's third denial, I held up three fingers, calling back to earlier in the drama when Jesus held up three fingers and told me I would deny Him three times. Simple action, it caught me off guard when I actually did it. I held up my hand, I realized, I looked Him in the eyes, and I ran for all I was worth. I wanted to keep running. I almost ran into a wall once I was outside the sanctuary. I didn't want to stop. I thought of all the time I've spent denying God, not often because I was afraid and wanted to be cool, moreso my years-long struggle to figure out who Jesus was. How much time did I waste? Impossible to put into words. Suffice it to say, I felt a small glimpse of Peter's emotion.

Sunday was an adventure. Our man who plays Satan was injured (concussion and a couple cuts on his forehead) during rehearsal, and he took out the projector as well. This on top of having one cast member sick, one still recovering from illness, another out of town. Then half our lights started malfunctioning.

There's a happy ending, it all worked out okay, but my first thought was: who's coming tonight that the real Satan doesn't want to be reached?

I'll probably never know that answer, and that's okay. It was just my first reaction.

Rehearsal was over then and there. We waited patiently as they tended to Alexander's wounds. We prayed as a group. This is where AWAKEN shines: we are a family.

Our executive director, Tiffany, took on the role of Satan. Rather than rearranging any of the other cast (we already had three people subbing in this weekend!), leadership decided she knew the role best. I think she needed to do it, too - as she put it, "I may or may not have some emotions to put into the role".

And Blaire and Sitraka and I fixed the lights - it took over an hour swapping out dimmer packs and cables to narrow down the TWO, not just one, bad DMX cables. We finished about 30 minutes before the doors were supposed to open. I ran and ate dinner, the church graciously kept the food warmed even though everyone else had already eaten. I changed quickly, put in my contacts, and then tried to calm myself as Lynnea painted my face.

It was stressful pulling double duty: crew and cast. I wouldn't have traded it for anything. I knew I was doing Good. And that's worth being exhausted for.

On Saturday Kelsey, our director, shared with us the story of the woman in the temple, who gave her two copper coins to the offering. She asked us to ponder, what are our two coins that we're bringing to God?

On Sunday Lyndsay, our tour manager, shared the same story, completely without knowing Kelsey had shared it the day before. She shared with us about a little boy who saw Saturday's performance, and how enthralled he was, and how, at the end during offering, he emptied his pockets of the few dollars he had, and then said "I wish I could give more".

I spent a lot of time thinking about what my copper coins look like. In the end I think I decided it was my body: bad eyesight, incurable Crohn's, pain in my foot every time I walk (injury from last weekend's performances and heavy lifting, I think). But I gave AWAKEN everything I had - I gave God everything I had. When I laid down in bed Sunday night, I was exhausted, in a good way. Physically draining, AWAKEN remains life-giving. Hearing my friend say he was bawling the entire show. Hearing the story of that little boy. Knowing the difference AWAKEN has made in my life, both as past audience member and as current crew/cast. Those stories make it worthwhile. Those stories make it worth giving my everything.