Mimes don't wear glasses

Or at least, AWAKEN mimes don't.

Our first performance weekend is two weeks away, and for one of those performances, I'll make my debut as a mime, subbing in for one of our actors who can't be there.

Here's the rub: AWAKEN mimes don't wear glasses. So I have two choices:

1. Go blind (two other actors do this)


2. Get contacts

I've never had contacts before, and my eyes water at the very thought. Nevertheless, the fear of tripping over a pew or a person while stumbling blindly in the dark is unappealing enough that I broke down went in to get contacts.

Trip #1 was unsuccessful. I was already at MOA to get my hair cut, so afterward I confidently strolled into a glasses store, spectacle Rx in hand, and asked the kind man to explain this whole "contacts" thing to me.

"Well," he said, and I'm paraphrasing greatly, "you can't do that here. This is a glasses prescription, you need to get fitted for contacts, and we'd have to charge you for a full exam to do that."

Who knew?

This morning, I called my normal optometrist, (because really, it's such a fun word, why would you not want to call someone called an "optometrist"?) explained my situation, and snuck in for an afternoon appointment.

I sat cautiously, nervously awaiting the inevitable poking of my eyes. My optometrist came in, we exchanged pleasantries, and he put these... things! in my eyes. Blink blink tear cry sniffle. There's something in my eye! Oh wait, but I can see... and my glasses are in my pocket? Wait a second... This is so weird!

For whatever reason, my right eye didn't like the first lens he put in, so he threw it away and tried a different brand. Odd, because my left eye has the stronger Rx, so I would have thought that one would like it less (thicker lens?). Anyway. Second attempt now of prying my eyes open while they watered and squinted, and he got the lens in. Blink blink FML blink blink. Maybe going blind is a better idea. No, no. I made it this far, I'm paying them to do this. I'm paying to be tortured? There's something wrong about that...

Next step: I have to do it on my own! Eek! They brought me to the special chair in the special room with the special mirror, and made me feel special. Here, take this little flexible plastic thing and shove it in your eye! Poke prod blink water cry, lather rinse repeat.

Over an hour after I arrived, I had succeeded in removing, placing, removing, and re-placing my little trial lenses. I drove home. I drove without glasses. For the first time ever. I've had glasses since 7th grade. I've never driven without glasses.

Two hours later I took out the contacts (per my instructions, I'm supposed to build up a tolerance - 2 hours today, 4 tomorrow, 6 the next day, and so on).

The nurse kept insisting contacts would grow on me. I remain skeptical. But at least I'll be able to see for AWAKEN. As long as I don't poke an eye out before then.