Not to say that I've solved all of life's mystery's, but, in short, I think I finally got it. I heard this song [Matthew West's "More"] playing on KLOVE on my way back to St Olaf this evening:
"I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
And I see you
And I made you
I love you more than you can imagine"
I was singing along with it, and then I realised what I was saying, how that's truly how God feels toward us, how much God loves us, how much God wants to take care of us.
It's been a really, really bad week, but this was just what I needed to hear. It finally sank in: God loves me. No matter how much I've screwed up, no matter how much God knows I'm going to continue to screw up, God still loves me. It was an amazing moment of clarity. Thank you, God.